Cara Mia Amici
by Kerboku
Summary: Chell is a cop on the run. Douglas is looking for the truth. Wheatley is a killer who has a gift for poetry. This is their story. Not. Post Portal 2.
1. Prologue

Chell hummed in her throat as Doug locked the door behind him.  
>Six months of living with Rattman and she still couldn't get over his mumblings, or rantings, or that twitchy thing he did with his hands and eyes when he was fidgety in the mornings after drinking his black coffee. She took a mouthful of her coffee, mostly cream and sugar, and went on the clean up after Doug's mess. Even after living out of Aperture, the man ravished anything that wasn't beans and left a huge mess (<em>Chell never even thought to buy beans for a second and cringed when ever they passed the canned foods at the store<em>) Beside his empty cracked white stained mug were his pills he had spent his pocket money on.

Chell whistled as she began clearing and cleaning the dishes, putting the pills into a drawer, and wiped her hands on her pajama shirt. Today was her day off, which meant the usual routine, consisting of sitting in front of the television, (_with cable they stole from the nasty old lady on the floor below them. She had called both her and Doug a lot of things when she caught them. Chell didn't understand the words, partially because Doug had covered her ears forcefully._) Eating ice cream, (_Doug joined whenever he could, mumbling that he didn't like rainbow sorbet, despite eating an entire container of the stuff more than once._) sleeping, and a jog in town around the mostly vacant park nearby. The Black Mesa incident far from any ones minds.

She breathed heavily out her nose as Betty argued with Henry about his "baby mama". She licked another spoon full of green and pink cold stuff. Doug said he had a surprise for her tonight. She hoped it wasn't another strange present, his job at the little drug store in town had provided many of thous. He bought mostly books and little toys for himself and hoarded them in a corner in their room along with his companion cube. They shared a single mattress and a large thermal sleeping bag, mainly because it was the only room that didn't have a draft, usually one of them would end up on the floor. She secretly hoped he was bringing home another sleeping bag.

* * *

><p>She went into the bedroom and pulled her red wool turtle necked jacket off the door handle and peaked out the window. Snow. That's what it was called. And it was both beautiful and dangerous. She learned this the hard way, having fallen down the stairs outside the apartment numerous times, heavyweight boots dragging her down. She decided against jogging and instead thought about surprising Doug herself, maybe with a sweater with those horned animals, they seemed to be popular. She pulled on light brown boots that went up to her knees and her sweater. Tying her hair back with one hand and grabbing once of Doug's spare hats with the other, she turned off the television with her foot and pulled the hat on and another bigger jacket, it had small holes here and there but eh. She was determined to go out and come back before the gentle snow fall became a blizzard. She unlocked the door and made a break for the stairs, not bothering to lock the door. She jumped over the five steps leading into the complex, not chancing falling again. She stood for a minute admiring the falling white stuff and walked a little slower than she would have liked, in actuality, she just wanted to get out of the tiny, musky, smelly, somewhat damp, apartment. She passed by Doug's store, a RightGreens, a sharply dressed woman in a fur coat stared at her through the window. Chell smiled and waved unsure, the woman made a face.<br>Chell bet that fur was fake anyways and continued on.  
>Other humans weren't <em>exactly<em> friendly at first, especially to Doug, either creeped out by his mumblings or the way his eyes did that thing when he was hearing voices. Frankly it scares her too sometimes, no one want to hear Doug Rattman mumble about toothpicks after midnight. he didn't talk to his companion cube as much as before either nowadays. That must have meant something, other than he was taking his pills again. He would talk to her, providing half of the conversation, while she gestured and wrote her reply whenever remarked something that she couldn't reply with a simple yes or no, or a odd gesture. People often looked at them strangely when ever they go out together. In the grocery store they must look strange, Chell usually disagreeing with something Doug put in the little cart, usually little knick-knacks or things that didn't really have a purpose. She would remove it, only for him to replace it with something even stranger or more useless. Gesturing with him in public was even worse, mostly because he couldn't understand what she was trying to get across at all and mistook it for something _completely different_.

They had their differences, but the things they had in common kept them together.

* * *

><p>Chell nodded at the old cashier as he said his required goodbyes, the door opened slowly and she held the blue paper bag closer to her as the snow began falling in big clumps. She walked as fast as she could without becoming unbalanced in the deep snow, no one bothering themselves about shoveling out the street or side walks. She thought about taking a shorter way to the apartment, a worn path that led from now barren wheat field to the park. She begrudgingly began walking in the path, that place was no where near here, <em>but...<em>

She slowly made her way up the frozen concrete stairs. Her foot slid at the top but she caught herself before she could fall all the way. She opened the door to the complex and wiped her feet on the mat beside the stairs, the land lady must have been out, her cats pawed at the door as Chell began making her way up the next two flights of stairs. Hurrying past the angry woman's apartment. She swung the door open accidentally, hitting the cheaply made wooden chair beside the little table they shared their meals at. She pulled the paper bag out from under her jacket and placed it on the table, she pulled out the thick woolly sweaters with those horned creatures on them and took out the tiny canvas she bought sneakily while right under his nose. He often used up whatever pocket money he had lying around to buy a few, but couldn't this month because of his pills. She smiled coyly and wrapped the canvas with the dark blue sweater. She put the small pile on the table under a newspaper for him to find. She looked at the small glowing red numbers on the clock over the table. It wouldn't be long before it was time for dinner.  
>She spent too long looking out into the empty field. <em>That place<em> just a dot in the distance.  
>How long had it been since she first saw the moon on that day? Chell stirred the light brown liquid while gazing off into no where.<br>Had it been a year? No. When she came out it was warmer, alot warmer.  
>Longer than a year? Chell wiped her head with her sleeve of her shirt and moved the meat around in the pan. It had to be, Doug only came out of there a short while after and it wasn't cold then either.<br>She counted the days and months and weathers in her head as she added vegetables and meat into the broth, turning it into a soup. She heard a familiar bang and turned her head to meet Doug's shaggy black beard as he attempted to get around the little couch on the right and the aggravating chair on the left. His scarf caught on the hook on the end of the door, strangling him for a instant before he could figure out what went wrong. He blinked rapidly as he removed his scarf and jacket, leaving him in a blue knitted hat and a gray long sleeve woolly sweater over his favorite white button up. He smiled awkwardly as he held up a rectangular box wrapped in red and green paper, he sniffed the air. "I-is it almost d-done?"  
>Chell smiled a welcome home smile and nodded. "G-good. We s-should take it to g-go. Its starting s-soon." Chell leaned her head to the side and shrugged her shoulders. "I got y-you a present, and w-we're going to u-use it." He walked briskly towards the tiny bathroom and turned on the water in the sink. Chell followed him with her eyes as he moved about. She let out a deep breath as he disappeared into their room. He was either trying to talk to his cube again or changing, but she was guessing the former. She covered the soup with the metal lid and turned the stove on low. She sat on the couch waiting, listening to him mutter to the cube. He didn't say anything for awhile until she heard him clambering in the closet.<br>He came out with his cube and his old holy messenger bag that he patched up regularly. He put them both down delicately beside the couch and sat close to her. "H-how was y-your day?" She gave him a nod and shivered violently before moving her hand in a neutral gesture with her hand. He frowned. "C-cold? Im s-sorry. I'll see what I can do about the heater, there is ice in the shower. I think its leaking again." She pointed to the news paper on the table touching their knees. He looked at it for a minute and picked it up. "Offensive G-game Takes Fat Jokes Too F-far?" Chell shook her head and plucked the folded sweater off the table and pushed it into his chest, he flinched as a corner from the canvas poked him. "F-for me?" She nodded and rolled her eyes as if saying duh! Who else?

He unfolded the sweater and took in a shaky breath as he saw the flash of white. "Y-you-" she grabbed his shaking pale hands, chilling to the touch, he smiled weakly as Chell pulled away and went to check the soup and put the canvas down on the table and pulled the sweater over his scrawny shoulders he pulled it down more to get a look at the reindeer patterns and gave it a crooked smile. Chell tapped her spoon against the oven to get his attention, he looked up to see her shake her head and point to the pot. "Not done y-yet?" He looked at the clock and jumped up, pulling on the jacket he had taken off and stuffing the wrapped box into his bag, though half of it stuck out "T-thats ok, w-we have to g-go!" She blinked as he got the companion cube on his back and opened the door and stood in the door way waiting for her. She let out another deep breath and pulled on the gray wool hat that lay on the table, her red jacket and took his scarf from where it lay on the table they ate at. She shoved it in his chest and began walking down the stairs as he locked the door and clicked off the lights.  
>He joined her out side the apartment, the snow having let up no more than a hour ago.<br>He hurried towards the park and she followed him slowly tracing his foot steps. She never noticed how big his feet were compared to hers. He mumbled as they walked, did he hear the cube again? He shouldn't be, he did take his pills less than twenty four hours ago, so they shouldn't have worn off. She tugged at his scarf as it trailed behind him, he gagged and turned to look at her silently giggling at him. "What is it? your h-hungry aren't you? Im s-sorry, but this c-couldn't wait. I am t-too and it w-won't take long. Only a f-few minutes. Promise." Chell shook her head and pointed to his hands, "w-what? You w-want to hold i-it?" She rolled her eyes, he was always putting words in her mouth. She grabbed his hand as he attempted to continue on and pulled out gloves from her pocket and slipped them on his bony frozen fingers. She gave him a look a poked his arm think with polyester and wool.  
>He smiled childishly and took her hand anyways, she didn't mind, it was cold after all, it wasn't until she realized he was dragging her toward the edge of the park and into the field that she protested. He turned to her sharply and removed the cube from his back and set it down. He sat on it and took out the rectangle gift and handed it to her to open. His face was so... scary, but that meant that he was happy so she took it with a weird smile of her own and tore at the paper carefully, "I b-bought it a f-few weeks ago j-just for tonight." She tore at the rest of the paper revealing a blue box with little stars and what looked like Space on it. She looked at him questioningly. He scratched his beard, "it's a telescope, y-you can look through it to see the stars and the p-planets an-" Chell opened the box looking at the pieces in the snow and trying to piece them together. Doug held her shoulder and shook his head, his mismatched pupils meeting hers. He began to piece it together knowingly, "s-sit down it wont t-take long." It was no secret that Chell, despite what happened before, <em>THAT DAY<em>, still missed her very important friend.  
>Doug often caught her staring at the moon, it was after all the first thing of the outside world either of them had seen. He pieced together the last of the telescope and began focusing in on the moon, it wasn't high powered at all, it was a child's play thing, but tonight was special.<br>When Chell had been working late the past few days he had been watching the news, and they had talked about tonight, the night that the moon was closer than before and that a big meteor shower was going to happen.

He was already planning on getting the telescope, so it just added to their perfectly planned night.  
><em>It just didn't go perfectly as planned<em>.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Hey there! I know I've been kinda dead on here but the plot bunnies got to me the other night, not too long after I beat Portal 2<em>**. **_  
>So here's the beginning of something fluffy. <em>****_Not sure what else to say. _****_R & R for the next part._**


	2. Beginings

_Douglas Rattmann was never a angry person._  
>It's just the fact that a lanky scrawny blonde man with electronic blue eyes and a Bristol accent was tugging on his beard and causing him to freak out a little bit. Chell rubbed her temples and shifted the weight from the companion cube and the telescope in the bag to her hip as she waited for her roommate to catch up with her. It was hard to tell who was carrying the heavier load.<p>

* * *

><p>Thrown out into the cold hard snow, Wheatley wasn't sure what had happened. One moment he was boredly orbiting the moon for the... billionth time, the next he was hurtling through space towards earth. He must have crash landed, the giant crater being a dead give away, but where did the people arms come from? And why was it so bloody cold? He lay on the snow in a standard issue orange aperture jumpsuit, only he wasn't really aware of the laying part, or the clothes, or the fact he was all fleshy and not a metal ball. He blinked, unsure of what was going to happen. He looked around without moving his head, shivering uncontrollably. He brought his new hands up for him to examine closely, the tips of his fingers were dark pink and shaking rapidly. Wheatley grinned, hands could do SO many things, now if only he could move...<p>

* * *

><p>Douglas Rattmann was never easily amused, neither was Chell, but seeing a nearly frozen grown man wiggle on the ground like a retarded worm doing donuts in a crater was rather humorous, until the fact that he was nearly frozen sunk in their heads. Chell quickly went to his side, Doug followed and tripped into the crater landing on his back close by. Wheatley stared wide eyed at the girl wrapping her scarf around his neck, he wanted to say something he wanted to say for a long time, something he had alot of time to think about saying. She began removing her thick red jacket and draped it over him. Wheatley's lips trembled, his eyes becoming pools of tears. He wiped them with his human hand and felt his stiffened freezing flesh for the first time. "Lady." Chell looked down surprised by the snivel coming out of the half frozen form beside her. Wheatley touched the jacket and covered his face and unleashed tears. "Im sorry lady. I am truly, deeply, sorry." He smiled having finely getting the words out. Chell was taken aback. Who was this man, and why was he apologizing?<p>

Doug climbed his way out of the deep black crater and fell on his stomach beside Chell and the humanoid Wheatley. Chell stood and attempted to pull Doug to his feet, she slipped on slush as she pulled and fell back on her ass. A silent laugh escaped her lips as Doug doubled over laughing at her expense.  
>Something erupted in Wheatley, some new sort of function they must have never told him about, his breathing came out in awkwardly loud gasps emitting an odd frequency that made the other two stare at him with strange expressions. Doug lifted himself up with his arms and pulled Chell up, making sure he was lifting with his legs as not to fall. He looked over the man shaking under the oversized jacket. He shrugged slightly as Chell nudged him and gestured to the man as if saying we can't just leave him here, Doug sighed, "We can't just leave him here. I guess we will have to-" he stopped mid sentence as he noticed Chell had already taken a few steps back and gave him that look that she always gave him when ever he was doing something stupid.<br>He sighed as she began walking back to town, leaving the robot ball turned man to him.  
>Wheatley removed the jacket from his face as Doug picked him up bridal style.<p>

"Oh, we're moving, brilliant! It was bloody cold down there and I couldn't figure out how to do much, but look at you! Your a pro! Ah, uh. Where are we going?" Doug looked down at the man spewing noise, though his voice had some pleasant quality that he couldn't place, his electronic blue eyes were wide and expectant and a whole hearted toothy grin showed he had a bit of a chipped tooth. Doug looked forward to Chell who only shook her head and shrugged. Doug sighed and smiled awkwardly back at the tiny man in his arms, "home."

* * *

><p>Wheatley blinked and looked at his reflection in the cracked mirror in the bathroom of the shitty apartment. He touched his square jaw, his chapped lips, his straight red nose, his eyes (which really hurt) his thin black eye brows and his hair the color of wet straw. Chell was heating water on the stove in a big pot for something called a bath that was supposed to get rid of the sickening smell radiating off of him. He ran his hands through his wet greasy mop and chuckled. Doug stared at him awkwardly from the couch as he explored his face and clothes. Attempting to remove the orange shirt, he got the buttons caught in his hair and yelped, "...you...you need help?" Doug asked hesitantly as he yelped again, "no no! I got it! I got it-OW! Yes! Please help! now!"<br>Chell sighed in her throat from the kitchen as Doug stepped over the coffee table and into the bathroom. He untangled the buttons from Wheatley's dirty hair and watched as he removed the sweaty aperture tank top and threw it at Doug, his mouth fell agape as he stared down at his ribs and chest covered by a thin blanket of pale skin. Doug stared at him with wide eyes, surely THAT was unhealthy.  
>He put his palms to his cheeks and grinned before touching his protruding ribs "Oh man alive! Look at these!" Chell peaked into the bathroom and made a face as Wheatley pointed out his rib cage while facing Doug, who seemed equally disgusted, a blue light illuminated off of a machine that clung to his back. Chell, armed with oven mitts and a pot of boiling water, shoved the man aside with her butt and poured the last of the water in the bath, she put the pot besides the bath and touched Doug's shoulder, he looked up and received a mouthed good luck, they both knew he needed it.<p>

-  
><em>AN: I don't own portal.<em>  
><em>But I do own a copy of both games.<em>  
><em>Next chapter involves sexy times. And soap.<em>


	3. Happiness

_Chell breathed heavily out her nose as she shut the bathroom door behind her, she had to be at work in a few hours and had gotten no sleep._  
>She stepped over the coffee table and fell on the couch, she sunk into the worn yet comfortable gray cushions and fell asleep the second her eyes closed, the sound of splashing water, Rattmann's voice, and a cat fight on the television in her head.<p>

* * *

><p>"Now take off your pants." Wheatley looked down at the orange trousers on his legs. "How? Not the same way as the shirt I hope." Doug blinked. "Er. No. Um... just... slide them down." Doug turned around and covered his eyes.<br>"Don't worry I won't look. When you get them off, take off your uh.. under pants and get in." A light blush covered Doug's face at Wheatley's closeness. Wheatley was puzzled, "why cover your eyes? And why wear so many clothes? A jacket, a shirt, under shirt, under pants, pants, socks, shoes, why not just wear one of each? It seems like a hassle to wear so many clothes." Wheatley did as he was told, though became worried as he saw... he shrugged it off and only hoped it was normal for people to have THAT. Wheatley stood in the bath, ready to be instructed on how to bathe, he assumed he should stand, the roof wasn't too far away, but getting up from that sitting thing is harder than it looks. "...Are you in the bath?"  
>Wheatley grabbed onto the shower curtain as he almost slipped, "yes." Doug looked up, unprepared for what he saw and stared. "... huge." Wheatley became worried. "I knew it wasn't normal!" Doug shook his head and laughed, "don't worry about it, you need to sit down though, aren't you cold?" Wheatley shook his head, Doug rolled up his sleeves and grabbed the rubber duck from the corner of the bath and put it in the water. Wheatley backed up into the corner of the bath. "What's wrong? Its just a rubber du-" Wheatley panicked and threw the duck out of the bath and at the door.<br>"BIRD! BIRD! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Doug sighed as he remembered all robots were programmed to be frightened of birds so they wouldn't get at the wires thinking they were worms. The intelligence dampening sphere was no exception, but why was he so content with water? "Get your hair wet so you don't catch a cold and then get that purple thing and rub it all over yourself, I'll be right back so don't get out." Wheatley nodded and Doug left, the door clicking behind him. Wheatley attempted to lay back in the back and hit his knee on the frozen tap. "BLIMEY WANKER GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!"  
>He cursed through gritted teeth. He held his knee and sniveled silently as he lay back in the warm water in the fetal position, something in his head told him that those curses were just not him and he should refrain from saying them at all times. His hair now wet, he grabbed the purple stick and began rubbing it into his face, it stung his eyes and he yelped "BLEEDING KNOB!" he cursed again, feeling a sense of right in the world, (though he didn't know why) and rubbed his eyes with the shower curtain. He proceeded to rubbing the rest of his body, (especially under his arms and feet, and in between his legs just because it felt so good) and looked at the muggy sudsy water.<p>

Doug walked in the bathroom, a towel and clothes in his hands.  
>Putting them on the sink he kneeled beside Wheatley, who was staring but silent, and grabbed a black plastic bottle with blue writing from the edge of the bath. He clicked it open and dumped a little dab of smelly blue gel in his hand. "This is shampoo, this is what you use to make your hair clean, but don't use the red bottle, that's Chell's." Doug began roughly rubbing the goop into Wheatley's head, "Chell? Is that her name? Oh my- you know. I've been calling her lady all this time, and I feel like such a idiot." Doug yawned as Wheatley's hair became nothing but a blob of blue suds. "And what's your name, if I may ask, mister hairy face?" Doug blinked tiredly as he filled a cup with water and dumped it over Wheatley's head. "Its Rattmann. Doug Rattmann." Wheatley thought, "that's a very long name, isn't there something else I could call you? Like mister hairy face? Or man? Or ratty?" Doug sighed, worn out from the events of the day and ready for sleep.<br>"Doug. Just Doug." Doug stood after he had gotten the shampoo out and put the towel on the closed toilet. "Get out and dry yourself off good with the towel, if you don't you'll freeze, then put on the clothes, they're mine so they might be a little big on you, the smaller ones go on first, then the others. Tomorrow Chell and I have work but I'll be home in the morning and Chell will be here at night. Go to the room on the left when you get out. That's where you'll sleep. I'll be in there." Doug yawned again and walked out, Wheatley used the handle used to hold the soap and got out.  
>He dried himself quickly and had little difficulty with the little white pants and big purple soft ones, but the shirt... His head got stuck in the sleeves twice, and just when he thought he got it right, a white slip of paper attacked his nose, he turned the shirt around, realizing what went wrong and left the bathroom rubbing his hair with a towel, he smiled slightly as he saw the delicate form on the couch, remote in hand. "...Chell." he didn't know what it was, or why, but his smile grew a little brighter.<p>

The apparatus on his back sparked, but he thought it was just the friction from the soft woolly stuff on his skin. He went into the room Doug had told him to go to and tripped over the sleeping man, coiled around a companion cube on the floor, Wheatley had fell onto the mattress and figured he might as well power down for the night. He shut his eyes, but when he opened them Doug was still laying under his legs, maybe his processors weren't working correctly...  
>He tried again, and this time he stayed asleep, unaware of the world around him, and for the first time, a sense of actual happiness, (not the fake kind they programmed into him), enveloped him like the overwhelming stench of lavender and peppermint that clung to his skin.<p>

* * *

><p><em>AN: I do not own Portal<em>  
><em>But I do own a copy of both games.<em>  
><em>Next chapter: Doug teaches Wheatley a valuable lesson, then Chell makes cake. Maybe.<em>


	4. Lemonaide

Sorry no cake this chapter. Just something I wanted to get out to let you broskis know I am not dead.  
><strong><span>Best viewed on 12 format.**

YOU KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOU LURKERS?  
>You're BUTTS.<br>Thanks to the _person _that left a VERY kind review.  
>The more reviews I get the more compelled I'd be to posting the next chapter.<p>

* * *

><p><em>The city they lived in wasn't much of a city.<em>

It was a city in the fact that there are people and buildings as well as parks and recreational outlets, if you could call them that. There wasn't much to it other then that. The combine had fled, a silent, four eyed, crowbar wielding hero and his apparently useless female friend had driven them off not too many years ago and statues had, of course, been erected and displayed everywhere people cared to be. These people of course were not the friendliest. Years of the combiner's abuse had hardened them, making them weary of out of towners and the like. Most of them were quiet and kept to themselves, however this wasn't the case sadly for the residents of the Lambda Complex.

First there is the landlady, a terrible gossip, with a terrible attraction to Doug, and a terrible addiction to finding and keeping stray cats. When Chell had first been brought in by a very good, very popular friend,_ who also pays the dirt cheap rent_, the landlady had interrogated her harshly, questioning her friendship with the green eyed man that brought her in, her lack of belongings, and most of all her carting of a cube covered with a sheet. She thought Chell was rude due to the blank stare she received, until of course, Gordan made it clear she wasn't going to get answers anytime soon, her vocal cords were fried from years of neglect, much like his own.

Gordy was the hero that saved the world/universe basically, along with his wife Alyx, his brother John, and John's son Henry.  
>He was also the one that caused the aliens and monsters to attack in the first place but that was a story for another time.<p>

On the second floor there was the terrible old Sarah, the combine had killed her husband for littering and she has had a hatred for soda cans ever since. One night during one of Doug's bad screaming spells she hit the ceiling with the end of the broom so hard a chunk of plaster came right out and hit her. She's hated both Doug and Chell since.  
>Across from them is Mister Williams, a lean and attractive but mostly alcoholic young man who's brought so many women through the door Chell lost count at around thirty. She often caught him gossiping with the landlady, probably about her and Doug's scrabble nights, those always got heated.<br>He owned a small used guitar store in the city close to where Chell worked at in the library.  
>Chell didn't mind the neighbors as much as Doug did, he thought that if they all didn't ask so many questions, and gossip, and touch, and yell, and leave their stoves on as much they wouldn't be that bad.<br>Little did he know Wheatley was just going to add the icing on the metaphorical cake. Whatever that means.

* * *

><p>So there they sat, Doug and Wheatley that is, on the worn green futon couch watching a cartoon about a talking yellow sponge and eating cereal without milk. Wheatley was a little more captivated by the cereal then the show, how they packed so much glucose in a meal supposed to be nutritionally good for you even he didn't know. Doug nibbled on the rainbow colors bits and studied the man carefully as he drank his orange juice while picking out all the yellow pieces of his cereal.<br>Giving Wheatley a cup without a lid proved to be a horrible idea however. The orange liquid spilled everywhere, but mostly it pooled in Wheatley's pajama pants. "Don't. move." Wheatley didn't move, but Doug sprung up and dropped his bowl on the coffee table to see the damage and get a towel. Wheatley made a whining noise as Doug brought paper towels from the kitchen, Wheatley carefully took them without moving his waist and rubbed his lap down with the napkins awkwardly.  
>Oh today was going to be fun.<p>

* * *

><p>Wheatley was bundled in a gray russian hat and various coats and jackets and shirts and socks and gloves that were much too small for someone of his stature and wore a turtle neck sweater and high water jeans under it all. Doug took a lighter approach to the sunny windy day outside and wore a simple white jacket over a long sleeved black shirt and black boots. Wheatley leaned against the door of the bed room as Doug laced up his boots that ended at the middle of his shins. He didn't really want to leave Wheatley home alone but he didn't want to take him clothes shopping either. Wheatley pushed on the door repeatedly, expecting it to open.<br>"The door is jammed, I'll have to hack it." He said while shaking the clothes off the coat stand. Doug protested and jumped in between Wheatley and the door. "No! No! You just turn the knob!" He opened the door and ran himself into the corner and toppled over onto the chair before Wheatley could get a swing in. "You humans are so primeval." Wheatley muttered as the put the stand down.  
>Just that morning Wheatley had 'hacked' the remote.<br>Chell was going to be angry about that, much less if Wheatley 'hacked' the door.  
>Wheatley stepped out of the flatapartment and waited for Doug as he turned off the lights and grabbed his shoulder bag and locked the door. Just as they began walking down the stairs a whirlwind seemed to have blasted through the hallway and down the stairs and out the door. , the man that lived across from them stumbled out from his door with no pants and was loosely holding a large clear glass bottle containing a copper liquid and yelled down the stairs,  
>"I didi't want youwr gonorrhea anyways yah whore!" Doug readjusted his wind blown hair and continued down the stairs as if nothing happened, Wheatley however was caught by the end of his scarf.<br>"O're you? Nehw tenant? I didn't hear about you from-"  
>"he's a friend from... er out of town." Doug interrupted. Williams took a long hard swig from his now empty bottle and released the terrified Wheatley.<br>"Aye wasn't awsking YOU. Ratbowy." He hicked "whaz youwr name guy?" Doug shifted his weight from one foot to the other and tapped his index fingers together.  
>"W-Wheatley..." he thought do a minute and something clicked, "Pendleton." Something intense shocked Wheatley and he twitched sharply making himself do a faceplant, Williams blinked and Doug pulled Wheatley up and dragged him down the stairs. "Nice meeting you!" He called up as he was being led off.<p>

* * *

><p>"What happened back there?" Doug asked as they went down the street past the park and towards the downtown area. Wheatley waddled beside Doug awkwardly, he was keeping warm but it was hard to move he figured. Even people that passed by stared at him and pointed and laughed.<br>"I don't really know. Something snapped. I feel like my back split in two and my heart stopped." Doug nodded knowingly, "_so she is beginning to test out the humanity software..._" Wheatley looked down at his much smaller companion. "You say something mate?" Doug stopped and shook his head before letting out a low laugh. He smiled slightly up at the man and put a thin bony hand on Wheatley's lanky shoulder.  
>"It's nothing Wheatley. You just remind me of someone sometimes is all."<p>

Wheatley leaned his head to the side and thought, but something caught his eye as they neared a small burger stand on a corner. He swallowed the giant lump in his throat as Doug weaved his way through the crowd waiting for their food on the corner. Wheatley stared at the street, near the curb where Doug was waiting by the crossing sign a giant gathering of pigeons was waiting for him.

_Waiting. Watching. Pecking.** COOING. PLOTTING.**_

Wheatley tried to maneuver around the birds but bumped into a large man with a sunburn and sunglasses. A man who just so happened to be carrying a bucket of fries.  
>The fries fell in almost slow motion, Doug, Wheatley, the man, and the birds watched as they all fell, the fried potatoes landed in Wheatley's hair, his feet and in the many folds of his jackets.<br>It creating a feeding frenzy among the starving wobbling creatures.  
>Wheatley screamed and ran as fast as he could down the street swatting his arms trying to knock the savages away as the birds began to rush towards him.<br>Doug looked from the man, to the street, to where Wheatley USED to be, to where Wheatley was headed. He gulped.  
><em>Chell is going to kill me.<em>

* * *

><p><em>AN: I do not own Portal<em>  
><em>But I do own a copy of both games.<em>  
><em>Next Chapter: We see a little more of the city, get a little Doug drama and DEFIANTLY get cake. maybe...<em>


	5. Sunshine

"Well he's about six feet tall, skinny, with dirty blonde hair and he's wearing a blue puffy marshmallow jacket... his age? Um. I would say about late teens... maybe mid twenties. Or so... No this is not a prank call... please… just-!"  
><em>Click. Beep. Beep. Beep.<em> Doug threw the pay phone at the receiver and rested his forehead against the call box. Sighing in defeat he searched his wallet for another fifteen cents. He did NOT want to call Chell and admit he lost her little friend. It would most likely be a repeat of when he lost the car, even if it had been towed away, the wrath of an angry mute woman was not a force to be easily reckoned with. He pushed the coins into the slot and decided to go with plan b.  
>After all; Gordon and Barney are always looking for ways to get out of work, and what better way to get out of work then scouring the entire city for one android human thing. Besides, he couldn't have gone too far in such a short amount of time... <em>right?<em>

* * *

><p>Unfortunately for Doug, Wheatley had long legs, the only thing holding him back from running into the abandoned wheat field and highway surrounding the north part of town was the thick frozen snow inside of his shoes and pant legs.<br>Instead he was a crumbled and exhausted heap on a park bench. A few birds still lingering in hopes that they might be feed. Wheatley fished out the last oil coated potato stick from inside his coat pocket and threw it, watching as the birds flew towards it, practically biting each others heads off for one peck before it was stolen by another waddling blob. That was another thing Wheatley didn't like about being human. Everything was just a blob, a mass of color with no distinctive lines. Even when he was a core he could see clearer than he did now, then with a blue tint to everything. He remembered the first time he was activated, and then forgot it in a snap. It was strange, to just remember something seemingly insignificant but before he could even comprehend what it was, the memory was gone.  
>He heard a click and felt another quick shock run down his spine. He ran a thick gloved hand down to his rib cage, feeling the metal bars that clung to his skin and back, the machine hummed gently, the heart inside of his skin covered shell beating gently against his chest. In the mostly silent and barren park for a moment he felt safe and calm in a world he thought he didn't belong in. Closing his eyes he focused in on the white noise the machine made, feeling safe as he thought of being a core again, of the time when Chell brought him off of his rail and she rested inside of a crumbling room covered in greenery and paintings and filled with bean cans, but most of all, how he felt when he was big and strong and powerful enough to do whatever he pleased not being restrained by a ridiculous smelly, greasy, human body.<p>

"'Ello? Oi mate, can yah 'ere me?" Wheatley's eyes shot open and he locked eyes with aviators. The face hovering above his was intimidating with a hint of friendliness, his square jaw line covered slightly by a red scarf and below his left eye a thin scar was hidden slightly by his dark glasses. He had a strange stringed instrument strapped to his back, something Wheatley had seen somewhere once before, he was holding a bouquet of red and pink flowers in one hand, and the other was holding out a few slips of green paper towards Wheatley.  
>"...'Ello there." The man was taken aback, not expecting such a young man to be homeless on a park bench.<br>"You eh. Yah doin' alright kid?" Wheatley stared blankly. No. Quite frankly he wasn't. He was lost, confused, hungry, cold, scared, weak, _and human_. His eyes began watering and the man was taken aback. The man put the flowers down besides Wheatley on the bench and hurriedly took out a square red cloth from his pocket as Wheatley mumbled his answers and apologies to the stranger. "-" he blew his nose and tears into the cloth and handed it back to the man who threw the cloth into a nearby can. "…Sos you're lost and can't find your friend?" Wheatley nodded.  
>"Only we're not exactly friends, I suppose, I did just meet him last night but he DID see me naked and we did talk a lot this morning. Oh but uh hm. I guess we are friends." The man blinked registering what he had just heard. He rolled up his sleeve and looked at the miniature time telling device on his wrist.<br>"Well... I have some time before I have to see the missus... Why don't I 'elp yah look for your friend?" Just then, the clouds separated partly over the park bench and light shone as a ray over the man's head. Wheatley's face brightened and his eyes grew wide. Be it the divine intervention or just the first time he had seen and felt sun light, Wheatley Pendleton never felt warmer in his entire... life. The man however, didn't know what he had gotten himself into.

* * *

><p>Not even two blocks away in the main street area, Barney slurped on his highly sugared over priced coffee leaning against a telephone pole, Gordon Freeman stood nearby, his arms crossed, annoyed by all the attention he was getting despite the humiliating disguise Barney made him wear.<br>"Gordon Freeman? Hi!" A random citizen shouted from the other side of the road exclaimed. Gordon sighed; he pulled off the humiliating glasses/nose/mustache disguise and replaced them with his own much more attractive glasses.  
>"You know this is why you have scouts under your command. To do the petty work no one else wants to do. But noooo. If a friend asks for help you have to do it yourself. To make sure you have the job done right. With no questions asked." Gordon gave Barney a disappointed look and leaned against a wall opposite the pole Barney was up against. "You should probably ask him about last night too."<p>

Doug spotted them across the street. He began making his way towards his friends before he spotted Chell rounding the corner nearby, probably on a lunch break and going to the coffee shop where Gordon and Barney were loitering around, and where he was headed now. If she caught him without Wheatley... may God have mercy on Doug's soul. He quickly ran across the snow coated street and before Barney could even greet him in his usual punny way, 'hey look what the cat dragged in!' He grabbed them both, causing Barney to drop his coffee, and dragged them into an alley between the coffee shop and a pet store.

Chell walked into the coffee store, silently cursing whoever dropped their coffee in the snow, for she stepped in it and would need to clean her favorite jeans before they stained.

Doug sighed as he looked around the corner.  
>"What was that about? By the way, you owe me a cup of coffee." Gordon shook his head, remembering the beer he never received. Doug rubbed the back of his head. "You see... the thing is. Um. I've. Uh. Sort of lost some-thing-one."<br>"A person? A _REAL_ person? How could you lose a person?" Barney questioned out of minor disbelief that Doug knew anyone else aside from their inner circle of friends.  
>Gordon once again shook his head and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose. Gordon pulled on Doug's shirt collar, bringing his lips to Doug's ear he murmured in a tiny, raspy, throaty voice, "<em>Did it come from Aperture...?<em>"  
>He knew? Nah he couldn't have-of course he did. Gordon knew all.<br>Doug nodded, knowing he couldn't get a lie past him backed away looking cross and Barney crossed his arms,  
>"So you're telling me you're the one that took the meteorite last night? It was a meteorite right? The scouts said they only found a crater." Doug fiddled with the buttons on his sleeves.<br>"Not exactly a meteor."

* * *

><p>An hour later and not even a block away, Wheatley and Richard, as he introduced himself, were wandering through various shops and such.<br>Richard Mundy was a very busy man, and though Wheatley was doing most of the talking he learned that Richard didn't get much time off from his work and took the opportunity while helping Wheatley find Doug to gather various things for his 'Sheila' as he called it.  
>Whatever <em>it<em> was.  
>Wheatley carried Richard's bags, feeling obligated to do so.<br>Richard bought him food and he swallowed it down with a smile on his face as they sat at a small table outside of a food consuming place. Richard paid no mind to Wheatley's humongous appetite and plucked at his banjo idly. The notes the instrument made were strange and unfamiliar but made Wheatley content somehow.

Wheatley was really enjoying his meal and was too busy and preoccupied with listening to the three stringed box to realize an odd pale man with brown hair and oversized spectacles was peering at him from behind a telephone pole in an oddly stereotypical way. 

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><p><em>AN: (DISCLAIMER HERE).<em>  
><em>Im so lazy i swear ugh.<em>  
><em>sorry it took so long to get this out.<em>


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